Shortly after my last post our lives changed dramatically.
I miscarried our baby in the most dramatic fashion. I hemorrhaged severely blacked out repeatedly and was rushed to the ER. Upon arriving my blood pressure was half of normal. I was given oxygen and an IV. It was soon determined my uterus was empty but not completely, the bleeding was my body's attempt to flush out the remaining tissue. I continued to bleed and my O2 saturation alarm went off anytime I cried or even spoke more then a few words at time. While waiting for the OB I blacked out again, Jon thought I was dying. I was given a second IV and the OB arrived. We discussed the emergency D&C I was about to have, I would be put under fully just in case. Just in case defined as full hysterectomy or major transfusion, I began to cry. I cried for my baby that had died and the possibility of never having another one, it was almost to much to bear. Being put out was such a relief. Soon after I woke the IV's were removed, my Hannah was brought to me and I was released. 10 hours after my nightmare began I was home in my bed, alive and intact.
The next few weeks were less eventful. I was very weak and tired, I felt like I'd been given a gift. As the weeks rolled on and I became physically stronger my emotional state began to quiver. I have peace in knowing there was something very wrong with our baby, I know I did everything right, but I still can't talk about it without crying.
Then there are the things I can't un-know, my blood pressure was just above coma, I'd lost more then half the amount of blood possible before someone dies. I did however learned some good things, blood tests revealed no sign of infections or problems. I was completely healthy, my hospital tests revealed anemia but there is no surprise there.
I am trying to look forward, forward towards a little life inside me again and having enough peace where I can let it all go. Fingers crossed.
Ok so here's my promise - 1 post a week. Boring or eventful I will post!
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